Armistice
by xxsewnlipsxx
Summary: Shepard and Kaidan reach common ground if only for a little while. Kaidan/Shepard


**Title: Armistice**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Shepard and Kaidan reach common ground if only for a little while. Kaidan/Shepard**

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Review Please.**

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_An __**armistice**__ is a situation in a war where the warring parties agree to stop fighting. It is not necessarily the end of a war, but may be just a cessation of hostilities while an attempt is made to negotiate a lasting peace._

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Armistice

The way they fell into bed was quite typical, actually. The situation had been so normal, so _human_, that it almost seemed unreal. They had agreed on a truce, and Kaidan had come up to her cabin. Over drinks, they'd reminisced about the good times, and that had eventually led up to talking about the night before Ilos. It had been a defining moment for their relationship, and it brought up the subject of whether Kaidan was ready to accept her back into his life. With a kiss and weak knees, hormones and ancient instincts had decided for them.

It felt like an eternity since another body had been in bed with her. Kaidan had, of course, been the last to warm her sheets and her heart. The picture Cerberus had procured for her still sat on her desktop, a forgotten piece of furniture that didn't compare at all to the real thing. His gentle snoring and wiry arms served as a comforting lullaby meant just to lull her to sleep, a battle hard won on most nights. Perhaps Kaidan didn't know just how precious he was or how essential to her survival sometimes. Perhaps when he woke up, they would begin fighting again like on Horizon. Perhaps he wouldn't say anything at all.

After making up for a few hours, she'd crawled out of bed to put on her underclothes. Kaidan had understood and fetched his boxers at the same time. They were soldiers. She didn't like to be naked; it made her feel vulnerable. She didn't like to be unarmed, either, and that was why there was a pistol lying on the bed stand. Such things made her chuckle at her own foolishness. EDI would warn her of an intruder well before she would need her pistol. It also made her think of the future. If she and Kaidan ever had children, would she sleep with a pistol under her pillow? How far did the training go?

Kaidan also made her think about her current situation. Abandoned by the Alliance and pursued by Cerberus like a rabid animal, what did that mean for their relationship? The reapers were coming. She didn't have energy or resources to spend chasing a man halfway across the universe. Yet when she felt his arm tighten around her, it was hard to think that she didn't have time for happiness. It was true, but his presence made it worse.

After a time, Shepard realized she was awake and that sleep would elude her no matter how long she stayed in bed. Her mind wouldn't settle again for quite some time. Pulling back the thin, cotton sheet, Shepard climbed out of bed carefully and padded to the restroom. Once inside, she washed her face and inspected the large bruise on the left side of her jaw. During the raid on the Collector's ship, Shepard had met face to face with the butt of one of their guns. A few weeks later and it was slowly turning yellow, the pain bleeding away with each passing day.

Sighing, Shepard grabbed a glass of water from the sink and left, hearing the soft whoosh as the door closed behind her. Setting the glass down on the desk after taking a sip, she lowered herself into the chair and checked her messages. There were three different ones: Cerberus, Admiral Hackett, and the Counsel. She shut the terminal off rather than read them. It was her time off. She was sick of dealing with the bureaucracy.

Silently, she grabbed one of her datapads and shoved it into the desk, catching sight of Kaidan's picture in the corner. Without a thought, she put it face down, something she had thought about doing for a long time. There was an ache in her chest, but she let out a breath and ignored it.

_Who are we kidding? Kaidan will go where he is called, just as I will._

And if he was called away from her, he would show his back without a moment's thought. They were soldiers. She understood even if it stung a lot more than she would have liked.

Grabbing her water, she stood and headed down the stairs. Various species of fish flashed their scales in the dim light of the aquarium as she walked by. Toy ships glinted, immaculate in the glass case. A collector she had never been, but there was little else to satisfy her other than training and visiting her crew. The crew needed a break from her every once in a while, and training just allowed her physical exhaustion to catch up with the mental fatigue.

Kaidan was still asleep, and Shepard paused at the desk beside the bed. A few novels were scattered across it, things she had glanced at once or twice. None of them had been read yet. Dossiers on each of the crew members still littered the area. Jack's was sitting somewhere on the couch. Thane's and Samara's were on the coffee table. She wasn't in the military anymore, and she was free to keep what she wanted wherever she wanted. Only the training in her blood made her tidy the bed every morning. Kaidan hadn't said anything about the state of the place, even if he had minded.

Nudging one of the datapads with her finger, she toppled the stack. With a barely audible clatter, they fell against the lamp of her desk. She set down the glass of water, half empty, and picked one up. Growing up on Earth, she hadn't learned to read until she enlisted. Toombs had taught her before he had supposedly 'died' on Akuze. Little did she know he was actually being detained in a Cerberus facility on an uncharted planet.

"Going to work in your underwear, Commander?" Kaidan's soft voice drifted from the bed. Turning around, Shepard spared him a smile.

"Of course not, Commander," she replied, bracing her hands on the desk and leaning back. A voice in the back of her head accused her of hamming it up, trying to act sexy. She ignored it. "I'm just a civilian now, Soldier."

Kaidan chuckled, "A civilian with an army behind her and more guns than the Alliance."

"Yeah," her smile fell, and she glanced demurely away, swiping at her red hair. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kaidan sit forward.

"Shepard?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to talk?"

The words weren't unexpected, but she felt a curious tug in her stomach. Crossing her arms and glancing up at the ceiling, she flipped her hair out of her face and let out a sharp breath. Then she met his eyes. "I think we should, don't you?"

"I think we should, too." He pulled back the sheet and patted the spot beside him. "Come here." With little hesitance, she crawled into the warm bed and curled her arms around his waist. For a moment she recalled how close she had come to hitting on Jacob after Kaidan's too cruel dismissal. It was quickly wiped from her mind. There was nowhere else she wanted to be.

"You start, Kaidan," she said, resting her head on his chest as he slipped an arm around her shoulders. "I want to hear what you have to say."

He chuckled nervously for a moment, and there was a pregnant pause. Only the sound of his heartbeat and the gentle sound of running water filled the room. Then he began. "Shepard, I said a lot of stupid things on Horizon. It was a lot of stuff I didn't mean. You're not a traitor. You're the most loyal woman I know. It was just the shock of seeing you after all that time. Two years…and it wasn't easy for me. Can you imagine, just for a moment, going through seeing someone you love die and then just seeing them walk right up to you and ask you how you are two years later?"

She squeezed him tighter in sympathy. "No, I can't, but I imagine it was difficult."

"Difficult doesn't even begin to describe it," he murmured. "Of course, I was happy you were alive, but it seemed like a dream. I had a lot of those. And I was so angry with you for leaving me. I guess that just took over."

For a moment he was quiet, and Shepard pulled away and sat cross-legged on the bed so she could look into his eyes. He looked like he was in pain, and she knew the feeling. "Kaidan, I'm not mad at you for Horizon. Maybe I was for a little while, but I get it now. For me it was like a nap. I just woke up and suddenly you hated me and no one trusted me. But two years had gone by. You moved on. Everyone did. I was the only one stuck in the past. I'm the only one who still is." She stared down at her hands. The clenched. "I'm the only one that's still stuck fighting, running in place, left behind."

He touched her knee. "I'm here now. You've got a whole team to back you up. And Wrex and Liara will help when the time comes."

"Yeah?" she frowned. "And what happens in a year's time when Samara goes back into asari space or Wrex dies in one of his battles? Or if the Migrant Fleet is threatened and Tali goes home? What if Garrus goes freelance again? What happens when Thane dies, a good friend of mine? What if Jack decides she wants to be free after all? And Mordin is getting on in years. Will he even be alive by the time the reapers come? Do you think that Liara will stop and talk to me for more than eight seconds now that she's the Shadow Broker and has all that information at her fingertips?"

When she glanced up, there was that hard determination shining behind silver tears. "All I want, Kaidan, is for something to turn out all right. Can't anything just be that simple? Can't you and I?"

His eyes softened, and he moved closer to rub soothing circles on her back. "Shepard, you're still working on your own. You're a spectre and still branded as Cerberus. We're fighting on opposite sides here."

"I know," she sniffed and wiped angrily at her eye. "I'm at odds with everything."

"I'm sorry."

"Kaidan, I just want a little happiness. There has to be something for me to look forward to after all this stuff is over with," she gestured vaguely in the air. "I need something to fight for."

He cupped her face. "I'm fighting for you. I'll always fight for you."

"Thank you," her fingers curled around his wrist, "but I want more than that. I want something to come home to. Can you wait for me, too? Until the fighting stops?"

"Shepard, the fighting won't ever stop," he whispered. The old lieutenant that she used to talk to in the underbelly of the _Normandy _leaked through for a moment and stole her breath away. This Kaidan was so much changed, changed by grief and loneliness—both were things that she had forced upon him. Despite the maturity, modern science made him look so young and vibrant. There was so much potential thrumming in his veins, and she felt so broken and wasted. There had been a kid with a heart full of hope somewhere in her body once. Where had that little girl gone?

"It has to," she reached out and touched his tousled hair, "because I can't keep doing this forever."

"You won't have to. You can stop the reapers. I know you can." And he sounded as though he believed it with all his might. She closed her eyes.

"So do I," she opened them to take in his soft, almond eyes. "I'm sorry I died. Had it been my choice, it would never have happened."

"I know," he chuckled nervously. "I shouldn't have blamed you. You have every right to be angry with me, but I'm glad you aren't. I'm glad you're alive."

"Yeah," she said, burying her head against his chest. "Me, too." He lifted her head up and captured her lips in a searing kiss that sent a tingling sensation from her lips to her very toes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and straddled him, slipping her tongue into his mouth and tasting spice and stale wine. For the rest of the morning he showed her how happy he really was to see her alive.

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By the time everyone on the ship was up and about, Kaidan had already left. Gathering his clothes in silence and slipping them on, he'd softly bid her farewell at the door with a long and lingering kiss. Joker had dropped him off at the Citadel with the customary pat on the back for sleeping with the officer of the ship. Shepard had just chuckled as they took off.

When she got back to her room later on that night, she checked her messages. Cerberus sent her a warning. The Illusive Man was blustering about his power. The other messages were more important. The Counsel had issued a warrant for her arrest. The crime was treason. Admiral Hackett had warned her not to come into Counsel Space. Captain Anderson's message had been received in the middle of the day while she was planetside, but it said the same thing. She had to stay away from the Alliance or they would arrest her. All of Counsel Space was on full alert. Everyone knew she was alive, and everyone thought her a traitor for working with Cerberus.

She laughed darkly even as she buried her head into her hands. After a moment she sent Captain Anderson a message.

_Let the war resume._

**Thanks for reading. Review please.**


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